I’ve never dug this deep into whatever it means to “be an artist”, and all the little milestones and discoveries have been mind blowing. It feels like I’ve been in an accelerated learning program since last November, and some days I wish I could skip class and go get fucked up. It started with figuring out new, exciting ways to get my current album out into the world, and has evolved into a full reassessment for how I perform, write, create, and market my art. I could have probably shared more about this journey, but it all felt pretty mundane to write about when I could be using that time to implement what I’ve been learning. At some point we have to admit that much of this digital media contributes to the overglorification of a lot of uninteresting shit. 
Not that I would ever consider myself to be uninteresting or unworthy of overglorification. Hahaha. Damn you, Krissy! You added “the” before your name, followed by the “show” years ago and suddenly everything is up for grabs? I’ve said before that when we’re experiencing consciousness or clarity, the great news is that everything is up for grabs. We can dive into anything and become it, embody it, achieve it. The shitty news is that when we’re lost in the weeds, everything is up for grabs. We teeter endlessly between second guessing and self doubt, feeling vulnerable to all the voices around us who push conformity.
And so it has been these last 4 months. I needed to quit drinking, (yet again) in an effort to remove any and all distractions from, or filters between my true Self and that trusty, crusty old bastard, my Ego. I whiff no hint of bullshit when I tell you that it has been a humbling process. Around the first of the year I completely re-wired my looping set up. I tore apart all those pedals and pedal boards, patch cables and redesigned my signal chain. The irony is that when I played in Akron last December 11th, it felt like I had “arrived” in some way, in the long-delayed completion of “Season II” and in the presentation of whatever my “art” is. The show that night was loose and fun, but sonically fat. It was everything I ever wanted to present.
In preparing for NACA/college campus shows though, I needed to make my whole show and rig portable. I needed to be able to travel and fly with it while also increasing all the sonic and tweaker potential. Maybe I needed to do a lot more with a lot less fuss and hassle?
Somewhere along the way I must have over-identified with that signal chain, because in the dismantling and cleaning, the rethinking and regaining of a new perspective, I dismantled myself as an artist, a musician, a performer and a writer. I’m more comfortable playing my bass, or just my guitar and singing, or singing a’capella for that matter. I’ve found a deeper trust in my songwriting that’s not dependent on gear, yet I’m more excited than ever by what the proper gear can add to the mix. My heroes and influences visit me every day, but none of them have a road map for what it is I’m here to do. This is my singular path, and I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with the solitude and seclusion the path requires. It’s those rare little quiet moments when the velocity hits us: In the methodical, seemingly mundane, polishing, learning, and collecting of data… We’re growing faster than we could have worked out on paper. I could never play another show or write another song, yet still I will have lived my path. Don’t get me wrong though, this whole thing is all about playing way more shows and writing way more songs.
2011 is already 25% in the can, if you can believe that. Much of it has exceeded my expectations, and much of it is still taking shape. So far the theme this year is “creative process”. My new friend Steve, whom I met during my last trip to Chicago is obsessed with “process” versus “outcome”. I’ve ridden my own ass like a micromanager for too long, looking for more golden eggs or clever contributions to the lives around me. This time has been about building a more enjoyable and fulfilling process around the design and release of the eggs.
I trust the process. I trust my Self to recognize the path and stay on it, especially when the Ego wants to take us off-roading through Turdsville.
