revisions

I stretch and crack, adjust, and keep wearing myself out. The weather comes in gusts, then mellows. I’m alternately weathered and brand new. You’ve caught me on a good day. Realizing I left my wallet at home this morning (while driving to Cleveland to treat my clients to lunch) brought up some laughs instead of self-loathing.

So many beautiful little moments this week. I’ve been on a high since performing Friday, & so many ideas are clicking into place. It’s a weird and wonderful puzzle that’s coming together. Enough can’t be said about spending the your time in your Major Definite Purpose. Doesn’t that sound all Personal Developmenty? Sorry, I borrowed it from Brian Tracy. You need lots of good vibin audio to counteract all of the lovely rejection that comes with sales. I’m so glad I discovered that stuff when I did. He helped me(re) discover some some of my true purpose as it relates to art, and communication. These are all I’ve ever really been interested in. The good news is that you can infuse any seemingly mundane task with both of them.

I shit you not, sometimes I catch myself smiling while I’m driving. Like I just left the loony bin. It’s the dead ass of Winter and I’m smiling through the grimy ass windshield.

There has been some intense juggling going on the last couple weeks, but honestly it’s never felt easier. Our livable space requires 10 times the work it once did, my job requires 100 times the attention it once did, and kid #2 is at least 1000 times more demanding than #1. So where does the time come from?

I don’t know. You bend and stretch it, create it and make it serve you. I don’t have time not to do the things I want to do. All I can be these days is who I am. I know that probably sounds asinine, corny, or cocksure. I’ll work it out on paper to remind myself who I am, and then start doing shit that guy would do. Hahahah. It’s really a jackass-simple procedure.

People will remember you as the total package. The net/net of all your time and talent. Whatever you spent it on… Serving others, making people smile, lifting others up or putting them down, coming through for people… I just want to make sure I’ll like the end result. I still venture into Dick Country, because it’s in my wiring. I also smooth the edges, and somehow find fleeting moments of elegance.  When I’m not face-planting, I’m doing a little soft shoe.

Music is all around me right now. My guitar goes with me to most family events. I can’t avoid playing a few times a week, and it’s feeling better than ever. I’m excited to finish a couple new songs I’ve been working on. My cousin Johnny was in town last weekend, and I played him some roughs from the new album. He hadn’t heard me sing in a few years, and he was kinda freaked out. In a good way. Singing just feels so much better than it used to. My voice has mellowed and moved (finally) from my nasally throat, down to my abdomen. My old way of doing things had so much to prove, and in all of the endless revisions comes some acceptance, some knowing, and some peace. There’s only fun to be had here, and there’s nothing to prove.

I’m getting better at recognizing joy when it arrives, and then focusing my time and energy in that direction. Maybe it’s only a few minutes on some days, but those minutes are mine. They are drips and drabs into an ocean of time spent. It could weigh you down and make you jaded, or it can turn you into Kung (fukkin) Fu. You walk lighter in your confidence, in your acceptance of yourself.

This is how it will continue for now… Slow and steady, focused and easy. People and events who don’t vibe with it will not penetrate. Being who I am feels way more natural than cramming my life into someone else’s box.

The cooperation and support around me rolls 1000 deep. I bet if you thought about it, you would recognize the same thing.