Last week I realized that no one was going to make me get outside and enjoy the Fall. When you work out of the home, there’s a strange tractor beam between your ass and your desk chair. Because The Work always knows where you are in relation to it, it’s easy to forget that it’s your choice to go outside and enjoy yourself. My morning ritual has been serving me well. The goal is to take in a little nature, a lot of oxygen, and get my head completely cleared before diving into another day of work. Too often we’re at the mercy of our monkey minds, where even deciding what to do next becomes a jumbled mess. How else can you sort out the different compartments in your life (family/house/music/work/health) other than removing the clutter to allow a better view?
Every so often I need to turn my back on all clocks and calendars, whenever I feel them pulling my focus away from what feels right in the moment. Deadlines are not responsible for finishing projects, or jumping to whatever next level you’re looking for. Actually feeling good about what you’re doing in the moment is what it’s all about. I need to further strip away guilt and/or unworthiness to allow myself to be who I really am. It’s just how I’m wired. You can probably apply that everyone by saying “remove your time-bound ego monster and you’ll get a sense that everything actually is better than alright.” From every angle, you can see your life as a series of unfinished projects, or you can appreciate that everything eventually, quietly completes itself despite your drama. I don’t mean “complete itself” in the sense that anything is ever truly finished, because it isn’t. The sense of completion is the release of the resistance, or quieting of the nagging. It’s that hard-fought feeling that everything relating to that particular project is OK for now. You’ll pick it back up again when you’re ready.
I can beat myself up over the start-stop nature of how I work, but I don’t remember once ever really “stopping”. It’s more like, start, start something new, start something better, find something more rewarding, start that, finish the first thing when I feel like it, start 10 more things, get overwhelmed and say screw all of it, get to a point of needing to release all resistance, and then realize that most of it has been finished despite myself. Shit, that’s awesome when you think about it. There goes that marvelous mofo called Life, tricking you into becoming more more more. This has to be proof of well-being, because who actually wins in that scenario, regardless of the drama? Me, you, everyone. All those cliches about “the journey” or “life happening while we’re making big plans” or blah blah blah, they all come from somewhere. Everything you’ve ever touched or given an ounce of your time to is better because of you.
Go spread some love and pollen little bumble bees. If you are denied or rejected, take it is a sign that there are far better uses of your love and/or pollen. Your inspiration and action keep the big wheel turning and turning.
It’s only Tuesday, only Fall, only 2009, only in your head. It’s Tuesday, peak season, in a better place than last year because you wouldn’t trade this time, even if you could.
