My sent emails today started at 5:21 AM and have just been cut off at 10:33 PM. That’s OK, because I knew this busy beast of a day was coming. When we agree with ourselves that it’s time to grow, it’s important to accept all that comes with it. It wouldn’t make sense for everything to get constantly easier as we make more money, or find more love, or rock freaking harder, create better art, or whatever it is we’re looking for. Therein lies the trap that many people fall into: looking for salvation in the future, “if I only make that money, then… ” or, “…if I only finish that project, then…” Then it will all get easier? What do you mean by easier? I’m not at all saying that I expect things to get harder, but I do expect All That Is to continue to expand with or without me. It’s just a different minute to minute navigation.

I worked pretty much straight from 5AM until 530PM with a small break to return 40 chairs and a keg from the weekend’s house concert. On that drive, I probably made 5-10 client calls, previewed a CD from my buddy Mike-L I’m playing bass on, and occasionally reminded  myself that what I should be doing was remembering to breathe.

It’s one of those periods of time where I get the phrase: “dude, you have a lot going on”. It almost feels cocky to say “dude, as opposed to when?” Truth be told, I honestly feel like I could and should give another 30-40% each day to everything, so I actually feel a bit lazy. That’s until I come down from weekends like this one, just in time to ratchet it up higher on the work end of things, or on the family end of things. It’s just how I’ve chosen to live. I could be happy as a monk meditating in a cave somewhere, but right here now in the Western World, with all of our billions of choices and opportunities and technologies, I choose to whip off my pants and dive in. It’s OK to swim, but not to drown.

Even though I take on a great many things, I completely love and accept myself now.

You can put your gavel to work all you want in judging the above mantra. Believe me, my inner demons try their best. There’s a pulse that grows in its repetition and  transcends any bullshit negativity though, so good luck with that. My Grandfather was the Original Gangsta of A Great Many Things, and it was  a powerful example. To touch so many people through positive expression and example. I’m in no way saying I come close, but it’s something solid to aspire to.

There are moments of deeper awakening in this static where I look down on my life unfolding and think “what a wild and beautiful mess”. No one else can make sense of it, and they don’t need to. Our lives can only be judged by us as individuals. Not one of us is any more gifted or unique or talented or brilliant and powerful than any other of us. It’s just about how frequently we can align these meat suits with the deeper connection of that higher aspect of ourselves. I spend a lot of time in awe of everyone else but myself.

Whoa Nelly, it was one of those weekends. I kind of knew that it would be, where I sense my place inside of millions of kickass interactions and transactions that stimulate inspiration and creativity. Somehow I didn’t have to leave my home in Akron, it all came to me. Beautiful friends I haven’t seen in years who made incredible gifts for my family (Sarah, THANKS), new friends that I’ve admired for decades (Ed) and still more people that I’ve only met but share a deep connection through mutual passions and inspirations (Vic, Ken, Randal, etc, etc).

Really, how the hell can any of us lose when we catch or feel glimpses of that type of potential? This is so far outside the realm of day jobs or pay checks or material shit. It’s just the knowledge that we are right where we need to be, doing what we are here to do, if only for a few hours. The week may start over and the mountains can multiply. I’m guessing we’ll need to scale those as well, because more sun and freedom is out there.

This is how I can live with myself spending so much damn time in front of a computer on days like this. It’s not just bits and bytes and data flying through the air. It’s the furthest most wave of consciousness I’m trying to catch, holding on  for just a second, and savoring it. These are our smiles and our friends and kids and love expanding, our songs and struggles and reorientation toward brighter and brighter paths. This is what the hell I’m in it for. Give me bigger tougher weeks with bigger emotional payoffs.

Something tells me that as I drive to Philly with Hamell’s new songs on a continuous loop and my bass in the trunk I will come to terms (yet again) with whatever it is I’m doing with this precious life.

Or not, maybe I’ll just eat a ton of jerky and talk on my phone.

2010 is shaping up to have a creative/musical focus for me, and It’s got me pumped. Last night we were guests of the Ani Difranco crew at her show in Kent, OH. I worked most of a day in Chicago, so to fly back for that was the typical interesting contrast. I think it’s easier to not keep the different areas of your life in separate buckets, because managing all the little vibes you have around the subjects of your work, or your art, or your family can get overwhelming. Sometimes, good is just GOOD. It doesn’t have to have a music or sales or family label on it. It’s the overall picture that’s working at the moment, and that’s what is keeping all these pretty plates spinning in the air.

Hamell was a freakin gem and got us on the guest list for last night, and Ani’s sweet merch girl gave us the latest live CD. We ran into so many friends and former TwistOffs band mates throughout the night, and of course Ani’s set was some other-level, brilliant badassery. It all took me way back and at the same time got me very focused on and appreciative of who we are now, and where we’re heading. I wrote Ani a note as a friend of Ed Hamell, and made her a copy of the music that he recorded over my house in December.

She played a new song that said “If you’re note getting happier as you get older, you’re fucking up.” Oh, YOU. How dead on is this?

In a given week of dicey weather, travel, frantically paced media planning, sales, and all of this music stuff, I’ve needed to evolve my inner philosophies and mantras. As life speeds up and everything expands, so does the work we need to do to keep up with it. This is really interesting, because as soon as you get some new tool or resource in the mix to help manage what’s coming at you, it becomes outdated. We gotta remind ourselves that our work on ourselves is our most important work, and all of the other work in our lives is completed from our place of alignment. In fact, I hesitate to refer to it as work at all. It’s a labor of L-O-V-E babies.
I’m ready to pick up the bass and rewrite my future history. I’ve never been that person who hangs up all of their dreams to make money to support a family. I’ve made having a family my dream, and this music stuff is everything I’ve always been as a person. On my good days where I have my shit together I can show up for a wild day of work and love that too. What’s truly crazy is that now is the most prosperous, innovative and exciting time in our company’s history. We toasted our sweet new digs in Chicago on Monday, and we’re running giant ads in Advertising Age for our technology. Sales pace is 40% ahead of last year. Looking at these as separately occurring events is meaningless. They are all symptoms of some pretty kickass cosmic and internal alignment.

Sometimes, good is just GOOD. It all fuels different aspects of itself, because we are all one energy. I’d rather ride that wave than get crushed beneath it.

When I was a kid I woke up early some Sunday morning and all I found on TV was a religious evangelist. I recognize this douchebag now in retrospect as being either Ernest Angely or Jim Baker, though it’s irrelevant. What is important is that it only took about 10 minutes of their fire and brimstone bullshit  to scare me away from organized religion forever.

That’s not totally true, because there was that period in 7th grade where I followed this girl I liked to her church for a few weeks straight. She must’ve figured it out eventually, because I found myself sitting through some terrible Christian rock alone, with her mother. After a couple weeks of being stood up, and finding no true resonance with The Word, I resumed sleeping in. Other than digging the Christian hair metal band Stryper and getting married in a Church, I’ve been pretty successful in avoiding a lot of guilt, and other people’s interpretations of some outdated words in a book.

The lingering negative effects of the TV sermon lasted years. I remember praying at night, making ridiculous barters with their vengeful God. I promised to pray every single night or I’d dutifully be sent to H-E-double-hockey-sticks. That would keep me on the up and up! Fear and loathing. Needless to say, after about 2 weeks of praying every night I woke up one morning and realized I slept through prayer time. Pack your bags little KC, The Dark Lord will see you now. I was fucked. What would be more frightening for a child, watching Freddy Kreuger or watching Jim Baker? Hell is real, and you are going, please phone in your donations now. By the way, I’ll bang hookers and do coke…

After swearing off the religious stuff for a while, life forced me to acknowledge that a higher power is running things. It just felt inaccurate that we could be islands floating out here on our own. Being part of a larger scheme and feeling connected to it was just too important. I had tripped over a few things and experiences that made me truly happy, and connected to my full creative power. There wasn’t anyway that it only came from me though, because it felt too vast, too all knowing.

So brick by brick I built my own church, using only materials that resonated with this life-giving, loving force within myself. I can’t wait for Sundays to reconnect with God, so I went every morning: running, writing, reflecting, trying to get inspired and inspire others. Even going every morning wasn’t enough to counteract the negativity that surrounds us, so I’ve become more mobile. There are ways of connecting so deeply that you carry your church with you everywhere, inviting people in to check it out, but if it’s not their bag that’s cool too. In fact, your church shouldn’t be their bag at all. They need to build their own.

I’m full of love for those disconnected Sunday morning actors and fund-raisers. Bless them for showing me what a church shouldn’t be. Give me love and vitality, happiness, laughter, and bass so deep that it clears your sinuses. The sun and the air and the water too, and the courage to find 15 minutes a day in this chaotic mess to understand the obvious: that we don’t need to look outside ourselves for God or Love or Anything else. The chaos fades and silence swells. We’re not alone, but better yet, we’re carrying this expansion of All That Is forward.

Now why would anyone waste a minute giving themselves shit? We’re all too important for that nonsense.

Life is moving pretty quickly, and I’m cool with that as long as it’s mutually satisfying for myself and others. Well, I’ll settle for it being satisfying for myself, as I have no control over your happiness or perception of what satisfying means. The goal is happy people, but I’ll settle for Happy Me, knowing he’s more likely to help make others happy than Pissy Me.

There are times when you find yourself sitting around new tables of people, or talking on the phone with a whole new cast of characters like the start of a whole new television season. You have attracted these people for a purpose, and they have attracted you. Are they more interesting, better connected, and more inspiring that the people from last season, or your last job, or your last year? It’s should be a good indicator of things to come, because you know that no man or wo-man is an island. We can’t manifest this stuff on our own.

There’s a significant difference in the quality of the people I interact with on a daily basis these days, versus those in my past. There are definitely people I miss like crazy, but I have to accept that there are clear reasons  (on both our parts) to not interact. We are out of phase with one another, and that’s cool for now.

This Hamell On Trial experiment has been really interesting. It started by me saying something like: “As a fan, I’d love to get more out of your website. A consistent, easier to read blog, more music, bootlegs, your whole story and body of work, etc.” I then insisted that I would never have or create the time to undertake something like this. Once you get through those layers of time and availability, those barriers to what we’re truly capable of, some serious shit starts to happen.

In my experience, I realize I’ve been asking for and looking for ways to generate a living off of creative output. The old way of doing that never quite worked for me. It’s not like I could get back on a school bus and play 200+ shows a year for $100 per week after expenses. There’s no going back. And long prior to the idea of a digital business was the need of a consistent approach to songwriting and channeling the creative juice.  By removing my ego and the need to make it all about me ME ME, I’ve been able to get a lot of work done for Hamell,& make us both some money, but most importantly inspire us both to create this new world: 100% ownership and responsibility for every dollar we make, based solely on creative output. We’ve sold paintings and thousands of songs already,  and that was only the first wave of product: A 7 song EP and less than 10 paintings.

I never planned on being an art dealer, or a motivator, or a sales person for that matter. I couldn’t have foreseen that our online activity would spark the interest to produce a documentary, and that Henry Rollins and Ani Difranco would be immediately on board as Hamell fans. These are wildest dreams scenarios that happen out of nowhere, right here in Akron OH. It’s more proof of the principles I’ve tried to live by the last few years. Below are some of the Cliff’s Note’s:

• Our true value lies in our service to others, which is our contribution to All That Is.
• We are the accumulation of all of our trial and error. (Law of Accumulation).
• Our creative potential is limitless, and has nothing to do with age. Hamell’s post recently on his 125+ songs with no end in site was inspiring.
• People would much rather work with and help the happiest mofo in the room, and you can’t fake it.
• Being happy is the most noble, important work you can do.
• Saying YES to everything may run you ragged, but in the end it’s a  lot more beneficial to your life than saying NO.
• Waiting for other people to help you or do it for you is giving your power away. Start somewhere and figure it out. I’m currently eyeballs deep in code figuring out the HamellTV.com store, distribution, customer service processes etc. I can’t say it’s fun, but I can say making money while we sleep will be cool.
• Build your own church: Running, meditation, Emotional Freedom Therapy, Reading, writing, blogging, eating well, time with your family, etc. It’s infinitely more beneficial than wasting time in anyone else’s church.

This year has me crazy excited. We’ll be taking some trips as a couple, and also as a family. I’ll be working on Hamell’s next album and documentary along side some freakin HEROES of mine. If I’ve run 13 miles, I’ll do it again with another 26 to follow in the Fall. The challenges are growing, which only means I’ve gotta expand in response to them. So so so so so much more I want to do with my time here.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever stated this so explicitly, or if it’s only implied: If there are any topics related to any of the above that you may find useful in your own path, please let me know. I’m happy help save you some trial and error time.

Much love and Happy Tuesday.

I tend to agree with all of the personal development and spiritual gurus I’ve consulted in the recent years: Merely taking action for action’s sake is a complete waste of time. The trouble is, so much of our culture operates on the myth that success is only achieved through hiking up your boot straps, hard work, suffering, struggling, and on and on. It’s a complete crock of shit.

I’m spending the month of January in becoming acutely aware of who I want to be in December. What does that person contribute to the world? Who do they hang out with? What is the quality of the work they create, how fulfilling is their family life, what level of abundance they generate, and most importantly: How much joy and happiness do they feel on a daily basis?

Why is it that it takes someone getting sick or dying, or a cyclone of work to complete the day before a vacation for us to pull back from the nagging distractions and do what we should be doing, or what we are here to do? If a salesperson presents you with a crappy offer, it’s pretty easy to ignore it or tell them to go away. What about a boss, a client, or a beloved family member? We get buried in shit we don’t want to do all the time, and then suffer out of obligation, guilt, and on and on.

I’ve already learned that 2010 will be a Year of Polite Decline: I’m flattered, but no thank you. The last thing I want to sound like is a person whose time has become too valuable to be bothered by such things. The first thing I want to sound like is a person who lives 90-100% in their major-definite purpose, doing what they are here to do because they love doing it, knowing that it is by far the greatest value they can provide to anyone around them. Just because you’ve had to learn a great many things over the years doesn’t mean you need to do them for me on command, or even as a favor, or even for money. You have to figure out what it is that brings leverage to all that you are. If what I’m asking of you jives with that, let’s play together.

In going through one of my goals exercises last year (the same one I’m doing this year), I defined my major/definite purpose as:  “Entertain/Inspire”. That is the over-arching goal, mission, and blueprint for my life. It’s what resonates with me on profound levels, and it’s what I can trace back any bit of happiness or success to in every area. When I was younger I was positive that it was only “entertain”, which proved to be only a fraction of my potential. It was too limited, and although I have mad love and respect for all who have entertained me, it felt like a lower-value mission than when coupled with Entertain/Inspire.

In reviewing last year, or even the entire last decade, I could immediately get hard on my self for not doing enough entertaining and/or inspiring. Technically, I’m not making a living at either. They are not what puts food on my family’s table, and they are not the reason why I own so many suits. Or are they?

I can feel my very essence in those words, and I know that all who have ever crossed my path (who weren’t somehow repelled ) see those attributes in me. It could’ve been stocking shelves, or depositing their money at the bank, painting their house, studying together for an exam, on a stage, on a web page, in a sales meeting, or on a dance floor. When I break through the dull layer of soot this world lays on me it’s what always shines through. It is what I have to thank for merely surviving, let alone our children thriving, or anything I’ve sold, written, or created.

I’m not here to sell you shit. I’m not here to only be a clown, although I really do enjoy that. I wish I had more time to only be a clown, but Gayle and the kids don’t need a clown 100% of the time. I’m not here to write clever songs, or build pretty web sites that sell things like art or ideas.

I’m here to express my divine gifts for the expansion of All That Is. To entertain and inspire myself first, and in doing so potentially influence others to do so for themselves, or those around them. My time here is not evaluated on how I monetize or count up how often I perform acts of entertainment and/or inspiration.

Our time here is evaluated on how often we actually feel like who the hell we really are. I’ve been blessed to see the evidence of the details getting worked out in the process. Contentment follows, money follows, exhilaration and adventure follows. Incredible people and interactions follow. There is no more important work you can do in these coming weeks than reevaluating your definitions and conditions. Trust me, the distractions are only here to guide and challenge you.

Who do you want to be this year?

I want to be a great Dad, a strong and capable man and provider, a traveler, adventure seeker, a marathon runner, and artist and musician, a healer, a life coach (for myself and others), a digital strategist, a strong seller, and just an all around happy mofo. That is all.

Give me only  “happy mofo” and the others will be done and done.

As the New Year approached I made plenty of mental notes. Last year (2009) ended up being the sort of arrival point I had hoped for, and in some ways it far exceeded anything I had planned. That of course wasn’t without its struggles, reroutes, or reevaluations. Far too many events went down in 2009 for me to tackle making a list of my top 100 moments. I made mental notes because the last 6 weeks of the ’00 decade grabbed me by the collar and didn’t let go until Christmas Eve. There wasn’t time to call people back, let alone reflect or plan for what’s next.

Does anyone have a clear definition of “career” anymore? Is that a completely outdated concept? The resumes in my day-job industry (digital media) usually cover the last 6 years and usually have about 3-4 employers. It’s a combination of innovation and technology, but also restlessness and one-upsmanship. Add the sales thing into the mix, and the fact that most sales people change jobs to temporarily soothe their fear and hatred of rejection, the resumes get dicier and dicier. So is my job my career, or is my creativity my career, or is the sum of my job, creativity, and family my career? I still think of career in terms of a never-ending, minimum 30-year epic. Or life sentence.

The truth is, I’m still figuring out what the hell it is I want to be when I grow up. The fact is, I’ve had to grow in ways I never imagined in the meantime. Growing up still feels like trading in your balls for pleated khakis, squeezing your It Factor into some faceless suit. Yeah, fuck that noise.

November forced me to reevaluate just about everything in my life, and it came out of nowhere. I wish I was savvy enough to orchestrate whatever the hell happened, because by December 1st it felt like a glitter bomb went off in my life. Like God filled all of my slacks with confetti and party string, and that was just in terms of The Work Stuff. Aside from being fairly maniacal about setting personal goals and working steadily to attain them, I never felt like I was aiming for the bleachers.  Like most people, I just felt lucky to have a job in 2009.

This is where it gets interesting in terms of my personal history, and wherever it is that I’m going in the coming years.  Around December 7th, (which was the last time I had time to make an entry on this site) my friend Ed Hamell and I made plans to have him come to Akron for a visit. Ed has gone from one of our all-time favorite songwriters and performers to a close personal friend in a period of 6 months. Never would’ve thought that could happen in Akron of all places, seeing how he lives outside NYC. On December 18th he pulls into the driveway, gets out and our first words are “wow this is awkward.” Only because we had talked on the phone just about daily over the last several weeks, mostly about deep spiritual stuff, and of course everything music: his touring with Ani Difranco (another long time hero), writing thousands of songs, playing everywhere every night, the history of Rock, and on and on and on…. Over the next 36 hours we recorded 20 new songs, 5 of which were used to put out a last-minute digital Holiday EP on the site I built for him. (If you’re looking for the EP, it’s already gone. It was a limited release).

Over a period of 3 days I went from not remembering how to get a new session started in Pro-Tools, to engineering and co-producing 20 new Hamell On Trial songs, some of which get me more excited than any of his classic Mercury Records stuff that changed my life back in 1996. The whole weekend was an insane musical and spiritual vortex. By Monday I had mixed, mastered, marketed, and distributed the EP for direct sale on his site, which was a whole other level of art/commerce/digital media converging for me. It wasn’t easy to do at all, but the tight time frame forced me to keep any inner naysayers or my perfectionism  in check. I just went for it, and made us a lot of extra spending money in the process. Re-writing and recording on a Saturday night, seeing downloads from Sweden and New Zealand by Monday evening, and then Righteous Babe records with freakin RADIO REQUESTS for Hamell’s XMAS EP by Tuesday afternoon. By Thursday Ani had downloaded it and was apparently psyched about it. That week was quite unusual and spectacular SPECTACULAH!!!

Next up are the 15 new original tracks, which will be out and for sale by Mid-January. To cap it off, we sold another original painting of his site last night. I’ve never had any intentions of being an art dealer, but I gotta say, it’s pretty freakin cool. Once we sold the first 3, he sent Gayle & I an original piece he did back in 1999 for the inside jacket of one of our favorite albums, “Choochtown”. It’s called “The Long Drive” after one of the songs on the album.

It feels like my old soulmate Music grabbed me by the ears and said “I’m not done with you yet fool.” Better yet, where we are looks nothing like it did back in 1996. The labels have folded, live music has taken a shit, and everything is shattered and downsized. Whatever I’ve gotten into feels like the beginning of some new alternate route to long term success for artists. Hopefully I’ll be one of them. There wasn’t time to do anything the last few weeks, except figure out how to do what needed to be done. Watching the PayPal grow and thinking about how the next round, and the next round will be an exponentially tighter ship. Aside from taking a cut of site earnings, I’ve harassed Hamell about teaching me his songwriting process. The dude has read thousands of books on rock and every artform, and is pretty much Mr. Miyagi when it comes to writing. This has proven to be exactly what I’ve been looking for in my own music, without fully realizing it. I’ve been mostly comfortable hanging back and focusing on the digital end of things since 2007.

At some point in the last couple weeks, I’ve decided that it was useless to plan my year (and the decade) prior to today. It just wasn’t going to happen. Instead, I’ve given myself the full month of January to figure it out. I’ve ordered a ton of new reading material, started 2 new journals and a planner. It definitely seems pretty nerdy. Hahahahha.
Part 2 of starting the new decade: Everything that came before this moment in time is gone. I’m a clean slate. You are a clean slate as well.  I am grateful to have prepared to the best of my abilities. I will continue to become, but in so many ways I’ve mobilized all of my resources and my power for this moment, and who knows what the hell the future is up to. I’ve cut ties with any disappointments or perceived failures, and more importantly any skewed dreams that were shackled to struggle and toil.

There is only my love of this life,  open sky above, and open sky below.

This week I feel like the Sausage King of Chicago, so you can interpret that however you wish. I had a full day of travel yesterday, waking up at 4a CST, a busy day of work and client calls, and then a quick bite when one of my favorite coworkers. My day lasted from about 4A to 8P.

I booked a last minute room on Hotwire.com, and ended up at The Wit Hotel. I got the vibe when I checked in that it was going to be pretty fabulous, but I wasn’t expecting to score the Riverview Spa Room (!!!) Holy Moses, is it righteously rad. You can bet that I’m draped with every amenity, typing in front of the giant windows like Carrie Bradshaw, looking down over the river and West Wacker St. When did my life get this swift kick in the Happy Pants? It feels like it’s broken in the on position.

My feet hit the floor this morning at 7 and I ignored the voices telling me I was too tired to run. Once you get out on the bustling, holiday streets of the city you’re crazy wide-eyed awake. I ran through all the streets I ran when we lived here, my walking routes around the area where I used to work, past the El trains and skyscrapers that were under construction and are now some of the tallest buildings in the skyline. Trump finished the 2nd tallest building in Chicago before I finished my record. Goddamnit. Hahaha.   I can’t comprehend how much I’ve needed to grow and expand since my feet first hit those streets. That life seems black and white now, and these visits I come packing more freedom and security than I ever knew as a resident. Maybe Abe Froman commutes in from Akron?

Ani Difranco produced a record for Utah Phillips (famous old folk poet/singer) a while back. He had fought in the Korean war, and somewhere over there he had the realization that “the only freedom he would ever experience would be the freedom in his mind”. Free your mind and the rest will follow. Wasn’t that an En Vogue song? Chase freedom down every moving sidewalk, up the tarmacs and into the sky, up and down every trail, up the 10 steps to your attic office, across every highway in the Midwest region. My commutes are the reward for battling it out on the Santa Monica freeway, or on the Chicago Red Line. On my better days I experienced freedom in those oppressive commutes, while grinding it out in that sea of hamsters. L.A. traffic is about as close to hell on Earth as you can get, and some people feel the same about riding the train every day. L.A. set me up to make a better situation out of Chicago, despite opting to walk the mile to the train in both directions, and teaching myself how to meditate on the train, in front of people. If I could withdraw my focus and put it somewhere more serene, even in those circumstances, I can make it anywhere. Next stop is State & Grand. Doors open on the Right at State & Grand.

My life has been stuck in fast forward since we landed in Chicago in Fall of 2004. Sometimes I’m not sure if we ever really lived here, but all of the physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual ties I feel to this place were created during those 2 and a half years.

Switching speeds here, I took it upon myself to do a little hula hooping in Cleveland the other day. I’ve gotten our entire company (100 people in 11 offices around the country) to commit to filming themselves hula hooping near some local land mark, and mailing me the footage to edit into a sick company-wide Hula Fest. It’s a unity thing. It’s a motivational thing. It’s a completely silly exercise in FREEDOM. Sure, I may be wearing a suit, but I tell you that it’s a beautiful choice to Spiff it Up after a long week of working in the attic.  Below is the video I threw together to get more participation from our offices around the country. Grab your hoop and meet me at the Rock Hall. We will celebrate our freedom together.

It’s interesting how we always seem to be running in opposite directions, barking out our recent conquests in an effort to catch up. It’s pretty funny. We run into rooms or pass in the office, talking fast about nothing. Is life really moving this fast at the moment? It seems like everyone I know has so much going on. There are people I’m close to for different reasons: through work, music, family, or other random projects. I’m not a fan of compartmentalizing my life, so I’d much rather share everything with everyone, but there’s just not enough time on the clock for that level of communication. Even if we took off a full day to talk, which we would never do, the day would immediately get filled with house or home duties, or the lists of things we haven’t gotten to during the work week. All I’m saying is that everyone seems pretty full at the moment. Could it just be the time of year?

What can I do to step outside of the madness for a minute or 2? I’ve been starting my days with a blank mental and spiritual slate, ready and willing to take on whatever rolls through the door or inbox. It seems to help, because there are at least a million things that happened last week alone, that ordinarily I’d be pumped to share with all of you, but the velocity isn’t slowing for even the slightest glance backward. It’s all now-now-NOW-NOW, and 2 weeks from NOW. I need to remember that it’s these times where I’m actually receiving what I’ve asked for, so it would be pretty stupid of me to go fetal ball and think that I can’t handle it.

When the energy swirls around this quickly, all sorts of neato things happen for the people around me. People are doing new jobs, meeting new people, taking on new things, and maybe trying to ignore the impending Holiday Insanity for the first time.

Last week I was riding my bike back from an 8 mile ride along the Tow Path, feeling all the early morning sun in the Fall foliage, feeling pretty solid all in all.  I use this time to figure out what’s coming next, where to direct my energy for the day, and to think about what the hell I’m going to write about here. I’ve been a little out of phase with writing lately, and whenever this happens my damn inner Virgo needs to reevaluate whether I’m actually delivering any value to the readership. It’s a weird cycle I need to break, but anyway… My exact thoughts were something to the effect of: Why should I bother writing if it’s not entertaining and/or inspiring other people? Why would people read my site? Do they think I’m all Pollyanna and I’m oblivious to anything “bad” ever happening? Do people get sick of me talking about things going well? Do I need something bad to happen?

I know, really productive thinking right? These are risky thoughts when you have an insane amount of energy stirred up, because I was thinking this nonsense in the midst of my 10th consecutive magically productive day. Rather than get all my little Keeblers working on something magical for me, I ordered up the following instant manifestation:

By this point, I’m chugging along a pretty nice clip. I was coming up to the only point where a major road crosses the trail, and rather than take the underpass, I decided to save time by crossing the street. There were no cars in either direction.

Crossing at about 10 MPH, I notice some jagoff ran the light a couple blocks west of me, and he was coming up on me fast. Instead of turning parallel to the sidewalk and riding back up to the trail, I thought the safest bet was to hop my front tire up onto the curb and pull up the rear. This is a maneuver that little boys perfect long ago in suburbia. I’ve done this successfully at least 10,000 times.

On this morning, at this moment, in the middle of a now busy street, I hopped my front tire too early. Which meant that it came back down to the street to early, rather than hop up to the curb. This set the stage for the curb to perfectly catch my front tire at about 10-15 MPH, effectively sending my ass over the handlebars with the rest of my bike following. No helmet, no fear, no worries for the little  Pollyanna Carter Show. At 34, my body feels lighter, stronger, and more agile than it did when I was 20. I’m actually convinced that I’m younger, that is until I feel my bone and muscle crash to the concrete with a bike landing on top of it. YES! WELL PLAYED SIR!

The great news is, that I was fine. No blood or abrasions. There were some definitely strange aches the next day however. So what’s it all about? Bike Safety? I’d say it was a nice reminder that I’m a more deliberate, powerful creator than I think. 99.9999% of all the running and riding I’ve done has been well-insured by well-being. I won’t let this .000001% keep me down for long, but wow, that was pretty fucking insane.

After bending my handlebars back into position, making crazy eyes at all the cars that had stopped to make sure I didn’t die, I rode up the trail, laughing maniacally. “That was interesting”, I thought.

Running the trail for the 3rd consecutive morning, I’ve started to notice how damn happy the people are who are out there with me. There really aren’t many of us, but everyone has a pretty frisky grin on their grill. There are old ladies looking for birds, a few couples, and a few other joggers and cyclists. I needed to stop to let 3 deer cross my path, a couple of does and a fawn. Deer are all over the place in Ohio, but it’s still kind of mystical to run right up on one. In fact, I needed to think about what I would do if I were charged. Screaming and flailing my arms around would be my best defense I decided. We stared each other down for about 30 seconds and then went on with our morning.
There’s a bridge over the river at the start of mile 3. On mornings where time allows, I chill there for about 15 minutes. It’s really an outstanding place to quiet the mind, listen to all the different birds, crispy leaves falling, and the river trickling by. Any man-made noises are out of earshot. These are the times when I remember that Ohio could be one of the most beautiful places on earth. Who told you that the cost of living around such places has to be exorbitant? It’s really a hidden treasure back in those woods, on that bridge, over that water, with the mist hovering over the surface as red and yellow leaves cascade down. Not a bad start to the day. On my way back I came down a trestle that stretches over a gorgeous landscaped gold course with sunlight, fog, and all those multi-colored trees. It brought tears to my eyes. I just took it really slow and soaked it  in. This is the world we pass by on our way to anywhere, and witnessing it in its own majestic being-ness is awe-inspiring. Call me crazy, it’s just a golf course, right? I say let it glow. I say thank you for letting me notice its glow. I say the day won’t get to me if I hold onto this moment: the deer, the glowing beauty, the oxygen, and the smiling faces.

My legs don’t really wake up until a few miles in, and the run back to the car is actually pretty comfortable. When I bought my car a few weeks back, I took a final test drive with a different salesman than our family salesman, who has sold us around 6 cars by now. Anyway this other guy and I were talking about bicycling and playing da’ bass, and he laid a really good (obvious) tip on me. I was getting ready to run the 1/2 marathon and I was nervously wondering if I could actually survive it. He reminded me to breathe deeply through my nose and into my diaphragm, which does a significantly better job of oxygenating the bloodstream. I know this through practicing yoga on occasion, but honestly I don’t think too much about breathing when I run, unless I develop a cramp. It’s always wise to breathe into the pain in that case.

Breathing is probably the most basic need that we still manage to deprive ourselves of. How often do you consciously breathe? 10-12 deep breaths, through the nose, and into the diaphragm so it expands. Do you know how much this simple, (free) exercise could improve your clarity, well-being, and positive outlook? Breathing is the the gateway to meditation, and connecting to your higher self. Yet we run around on autopilot, completely ignoring that we can control the quality of the breaths we take in. We huff and puff through stressful days, eeking out shallow breaths from our chest. However, conscious breathing forces everything to chill the hell out, while also providing much better fuel for your mind, body, and spirit.

Realistically, most of us are chained to our computers all day long. To conserve your vision, carpal flexibility, and your sanity, try pulling back once per hour for 3-4 minutes. Stand up, look out a window, and breathe baby breathe. You just might see your friend Krissy Carter scampering through the bushes with fucking gnomes and unicorns!!!!

The raking has begun, and every year when the air gets crispy I get some longing to shake things up a  bit. There are no shortage of undertakings at the present moment. Everything is moving faster than ever before.

Work travel actually becomes a true pleasure this time of year. On Thursday evening I had the luxury of staying at the Cincinnatian Hotel, in you guessed it, Cincinnati. The joint was built in 1882, and the room was full of cool old antiques and a full granite (floor to ceiling?) bathroom and sitting area. I would never splurge on something so elegant, but in a pinch to find a place to crash I hopped on Hotwire outside the bar where I said goodbye to my clients. Complete comfort for under $100? Yeah, I’ll take that. I needed a comfy, quiet place to work on Friday morning. Too bad I forgot my dang gym shoes.

I’m not going to lie and say that September was an easy month. There were all sorts of heavy and petty challenges for all of us, and I felt mostly stressed, pissed off, and disconnected. Don’t get me wrong, there was definitely a lot of fun to be had in there, but it was usually the darker variety, summoned to balance my heaviness all around. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, because in so many ways things are better than they’ve ever been. You know I believe in planetary alignment, astrology, and all sorts of energy affecting how we behave and perceive, right? Well my behavior and perceptions last month were a far cry from the dude I’ve been working on these past few years. Again, mostly just cranky and short-tempered, overly sensitive, feeling a little unworthy and a little lazy. I didn’t murder anyone. Those storms blow through and you think “what the HELL?” Running the race helped wrap up a tough month on an uplifting note. Nada Surf has a brilliant record called “The Weight is a Gift”. I honestly believe that, because sprinting to the finish line with a grin on my grill felt all that sweeter after a challenging month.

These run photos are totally over priced, and probably a little ego-heavy, but screw it I’m buying one. You work pretty hard for months to run a good distance, and the clarity and glory you feel comes and goes too quickly. That look on my face is honestly something I pursue throughout every day. How do I get there without having to run 13 friggin miles? Hahahaha. People have been asking me if I plan to run a marathon, and I’ve definitely been saying YES, but I need to figure out when and how to train. I’ll only do it if the training is enjoyable, the marathon route is inspiring, and for the shower afterward.  I now know why Gayle wanted to experience natural labor again, for the relief of the baby finally arriving. A shower after running 13 or 26 miles is one of the sweetest experiences I’ve had on earth so far. That’s my carrot on the fishing pole. I’ve tried to chill a bit, but the moment I open my eyes every morning I wonder if I’ll get my 4 miles in. It’s been so freakin busy since race day, I was finally able to run for the first time yesterday morning (Sunday, at 7am). That’s just wrong to be up that early on a Sunday.

So when Frisky McAutumn finally arrives, please excuse me if I seem too giddy. My creative energy starts swirling up and I’m ready for something, anything. Maniacal running is just a symptom of the larger problem: where the hell do I channel these swells of inspirado, or signals that everything actually is quite better than alright? There’s no sense in looking ahead to the next song, album, painting, sale or run. If you’re being bitten by something good in the moment just look inward and freakin smile for a second. The fact that these desires thrive inside of you is the miracle of who you are. Their completion is all but guaranteed, and the work should really be the fun part.

I’ll only do it if the training is enjoyable, the route is inspiring, and for the shower afterward.